The How of Happiness

Once the next project is finished, once everyday life becomes calmer, once there is finally more time: we often postpone wellbeing until later. In The How of Happiness, Sonja Lyubomirsky asks what possibilities are already available in our everyday lives.

Her book combines psychological research with practical suggestions. Its central invitation is: Deliberately chosen activities can support wellbeing. These include gratitude, acts of kindness and attentively savouring positive experiences. What matters is how these activities fit the person and their life.

1. Translate attention into action

A good moment is easily overlooked when the next task is already waiting. Someone who supported us may never learn that their help made a difference. The book directs our attention to actions through which we can notice such experiences more consciously and nurture relationships.

An example of our own: after a demanding meeting, a colleague helped clarify an unresolved question. Instead of leaving it at a casual thank-you, we could tell her specifically what her support made possible. This is about honest feedback, not a compulsory programme for positive feelings.

The day may still have been difficult. Noticing a helpful experience does not require us to reinterpret anger, disappointment or an unresolved problem.

2. Find an activity that fits

In a later research review, Lyubomirsky and Kristin Layous describe how the effects of positive activities depend partly on frequency, variety, motivation and the fit between person and activity. This does not support one recommendation for everyone.

For personal experimentation, a specific question is therefore more useful than an extensive resolution: what would benefit my everyday life and feel right for me? Perhaps a deliberate conversation, a small helpful act, or time to enjoy a pleasant moment without simultaneous distractions.

Effort matters too. Anyone who is merely working through an additional exercise can change it or try something else. From the Institut’s perspective, this is a useful learning step. A method must prove useful in life; life does not have to fit a method.

3. Happiness cannot be divided into fixed proportions

The book popularised a division into 50% genetic influences, 10% life circumstances and 40% intentional activities. Lyubomirsky later explicitly questioned the fixed figures and their widespread interpretation.

These factors are not independent; their precise contributions are uncertain. Moreover, differences between people are not a percentage calculation for any individual’s happiness. There is no scientifically guaranteed personal “40% scope for change”.

Our interpretation is that personal possibilities for action and supportive living conditions belong together. Safety, health, time and social support cannot be replaced by a gratitude exercise. An insight about wellbeing should open up possibilities without making people responsible for every burden they face.

What we take from this

For the Future Skills Institut, the book connects self-reflection with deliberate action. Within our Seven-step method , this can become a small experiment: choose a suitable activity, identify a realistic opportunity for it and then examine the actual experience.

Our suggestion: once in the coming week, thank someone specifically for something that helped in your everyday life. Afterwards, briefly note: did it feel right? Did a conversation or moment of connection emerge? Or would another form of contact have been more suitable? This exercise is our own application, not an effectiveness test.

While Frankl explores the question of meaning and Find Your Why examines our individual contribution, this book directs attention to shaping everyday life. The perspectives complement one another: a good life can be meaningful while also allowing space for joy, connection and recovery.

What small activity fits me and might benefit my everyday life—and how would I notice whether it actually helps?

Context: This insight summarises selected ideas from the book based on its official descriptions, supplemented by Lyubomirsky and Layous’s 2013 research review and Lyubomirsky’s 2019 clarification of the happiness pie chart. These sources do not guarantee effects for individuals. Examples, the reflection exercise and connections to the seven-step method are the Institut’s own applications.

Book: Sonja Lyubomirsky: The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want. Bibliographic edition used here: paperback, Penguin Books, 2008, ISBN 978-0-14-311495-6.

Sources and further reading: Official book website ↗ · Publisher: book and interview with the author ↗ · Lyubomirsky & Layous (2013): How Do Simple Positive Activities Increase Well-Being? (PDF) ↗ · Lyubomirsky (2019): clarification of the happiness pie chart (PDF) ↗